in His grace

living in the now

2010-06-26T02:43:00.000-07:00

i'm living in today. sometimes, i'll take a walk back into yesterday/yesteryear, but the me now that God has made, i love the now. i shake off whatever that was, for the truth and Presence "I AM" (with you now) of the Lord.

this is the best time of my life.

ask for help

2010-06-25T22:34:00.000-07:00

i still have this independent spirit. can! sure can move the whole bed. even if stuck in an impossible angle. i push with my body weight. sure can squeeze wan!

ask for help.

i don't want! and it irked me that i couldn't do it by myself. that i'm not strong enough.

what will you gain if you do it by yourself? what if you did something together? what if you let someone help you?

i needed someone strong. sigh. i concede defeat. i could hear in my head Mercy telling me men are stronger than women. two are better than one. bah.

when i get my own place, i'll make sure the beds are small and movable.

my mum came in and said i could ask her for help.

so we lifted up the whole bed together against the wall so we could shift the other things around.

i laughed. "it isn't like the sims computer game. so easy to move the furniture."

i still like re-arranging my room.

desperate cry

2010-06-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

i need You, God.
i need You.
i can't do it alone.

ways of royalty

2010-06-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

honor and security, which translates to boldness in the LORD

God appointed Saul as king.

but Saul was hiding when the people were expecting him. (1 Samuel 10:22)

i don't want to hide.

they had to bring him out, the king who would rule over them and lead them.

i don't want to be brought out. i want to bring the people out.

not because i am chosen in my own confidence. i walk and serve in the name of the Lord. King David, just a ruddy teenager proclaimed before the giant Goliath:

⁴⁵“You come to me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. ⁴⁶ This day the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you and take your head from you. And this day I will give the carcasses of the camp of the Philistines to the birds of the air and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. ⁴⁷ Then all this assembly shall know that the LORD does not save with sword and spear; for the battle is the LORD’s, and He will give you into our hands.”
~ 1 Samuel 17 ~

²⁵ Then Samuel explained to the people the behavior of royalty, and wrote it in a book and laid it up before the LORD.²⁶ And Saul also went home to Gibeah; and valiant men went with him, whose hearts God had touched.

forever God

2010-06-22T06:58:00.000-07:00

it was pitch dark

there was nobody. but You and me. nobody but You and me.

and You put in my heart and mouth. "i put my trust in You. You are my God. Forever. i worship You. i trust in You."

You didn't take away. there is peace, a preparation that led to expecting it. there is also relief. and deep inside i know it means You have a greater plan for me. i know You will pave the way. i trust You. these few months, You have led me to trust You. my whole world is in Your hands. i am satisfied. i have everything i need.

thank You for speaking to me these few days even when this mci camp wasn't for me.

the kids

it is a miracle to go from camp to camp within 6 days, with 2 hours sleep before the next camp, and rush back for another meeting this evening, at first nauseous and exhausted, almost cancelling the meeting, but then energized and refreshed by Your Spirit an hour later. was sustained by You.

i feel like, somehow, it is the end of a season in this certain place.

a new creation

2010-06-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

the truth is replacing the lies.

there is a light and joy in my soul that was never there before.

the past seems so far away. that old self is becoming more unfamiliar.

a freedom.

and Your presence is increasing in my life.

and Your unconditional love.

this is what God does. this is what God does.

my Redeemer. my Father.

the lovely, the wacky, the laughing till sides ache

2010-06-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

rest.

God is enough.

His love is enough.

My darling

2010-06-16T06:39:00.000-07:00

I love you, My darling.
My darling, I love you.

¹ How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes behind your veil are doves.

~ Song of Solomon 4 ~

dove's eyes. eyes that only see the Lord. intimate communion. into the bridal chamber.

{darling:} one dearly beloved, regarded with especial kindness and tenderness; favorite.

*

My beloved. you are My Beloved

{beloved}: greatly loved; dear to the heart.

heart moments #7965

2010-06-15T23:32:00.000-07:00

auntie alice from the student centre called me 'darling' on the phone.

faith wrapped her arms around me yesterday after our worship practice for Sat morning. when i shared what God spoke to my heart, there was peace. i give back all glory to God. everything is from Him.

all the love in the world is poured out from Me. that act of love and care came from Me. don't think that it was done out of pity or obligation or to 'give back' so as not to owe anybody. it took time, thought and concern. and it came from Me. I love you.

thank you for the tea and caring.

bex made me milo on sunday when i was so weak and breathless after worship practice on sunday. and we sat there, talking, praying, and just in silence.

You chided me and said, "remember who you are!"

talked to mercy soh outside the kindy near the flat for an hour on sunday.

identity and integrity are connected.

surrounded by my royal priesthood brothers and sisters.

want to bring the reality of Your kingdom, of heaven on earth when we worship

justin's "aku save you!" my gosh. he sounded very malay and it was so homey.

eve taking rem's, faith's and eric's temperatures with a pen that had a red tip, resulting in her exclaiming that they all had very high fever.

what do little boys make believe? being warriors, sword-fighting and having battles. that's what happened on sat.

at Your name, darkness flees. You watch over your people. Your angels guard our dwellings. i pray that angels encamp around us, and in Kit's house.

the teachers at cherie centre smile at everybody. it is uncommonly lovely.

"what do You think?"
"what should i do?"
as the relationship grows, so do these questions. Your opinions matter even more and more and more, not just about doing the right thing from the book. fear of God: being 100% only impressed by the opinions of God (Mercy).

the cai fun auntie near my workplace has the most cheerful, warm smile. most of the time when i'm trying to decide where to eat, her smile wins me over.

and You reign!

2010-06-14T19:13:00.000-07:00

my spirit jumps excitedly upon certain things, upon the thought of mention of my destiny, the dreams God has placed upon my heart.

like a baby in the mother's womb, who kicks and moves.

no wonder pregnancy is associated with the birthing of dreams.

the reality of heaven. the reality of God.

are we living in His reality? seeing through His eyes? living according to His present?

heaven on earth. He wants to dwell amongst us.

we are of His kingdom.

we are His sons and daughters.

we are living in Kingdom times.

and He is the King.

He is the Lord of all.

and He reigns.

and He reigns!

~ Revelation 21 ~
All Things Made New

¹ Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. ² Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
⁵ Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.” (more than a month ago, i felt like like there was so much rubbish, pain in me and i was nothing, and this was my hope. God makes all things new. and i feel new, new each day. purity. newness. and destiny imparted)

⁶ And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. ⁷ He who overcomes shall inherit all things,and I will be his God and he shall be My son. ⁸ But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”

The New Jerusalem

⁹ Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.” ¹⁰ And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, ¹¹ having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal. ¹² Also she had a great and high wall with twelve gates, and twelve angels at the gates, and names written on them, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel: ¹³ three gates on the east, three gates on the north, three gates on the south, and three gates on the west.

¹⁴ Now the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the namesof the twelve apostles of the Lamb. ¹⁵ And he who talked with me had a gold reed to measure the city, its gates, and its wall. ¹⁶ The city is laid out as a square; its length is as great as its breadth. And he measured the city with the reed: twelve thousand furlongs. Its length, breadth, and height are equal. ¹⁷ Then he measured its wall: one hundred and forty-four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of an angel. ¹⁸ The construction of its wall was of jasper; and the city was pure gold, like clear glass. ¹⁹ The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with all kinds of precious stones: the first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, ²⁰ the fifth sardonyx, the sixth sardius, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst. ²¹ The twelve gates were twelve pearls: each individual gate was of one pearl. And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass.

The Glory of the New Jerusalem
²² But I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. ²³ The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light. (so beautiful. this is so beautiful!) ²⁴ And the nations of those who are saved shall walk in its light, and the kings of the earth bring their glory and honor into it.²⁵ Its gates shall not be shut at all by day (there shall be no night there). ²⁶ And they shall bring the glory and the honor of the nations into it.²⁷ But there shall by no means enter it anything that defiles, or causes an abomination or a lie, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.

little pleasures

2010-06-10T23:33:00.000-07:00

ran for the bus today. sure he'll go. sure go one. but he waited for me. i bounded up the bus, panting and smiling from adrenaline. and was greeted by a sweet elderly bus driver with soft eyes and a kindly smile.

i think God holds me back from reading certain books because He knows they are not right for this season.

was happily wrapping the stack of books i bought since the beginning of this year.

kids and nature and some of my 2 favorite things. so i will not be upset. then i'll get to meet people my age at the meeting (which is rare these days). i will not groan on the inside. it's going to be a full but joyful work day tomorrow meeting new people and going on little adventures. and just knowing God is with me makes me happy like a kid. Daddy is with me! Daddy is with me! :)

no matter what I will come into Your presence

2010-06-08T23:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Daddy
I give all glory back to You.

I can speak because You give me the words to speak
I can sing because You are the reason my heart sings
I can share because You are why I have a story to tell
I can love because You love me, You love me
I can minister because You healed me first
I can pray because You are Lord

everyday i find my authority and courage coming more frequently in spurts.

my faith is in You, not the words or actions or man.

my prince brothers are funny people.

imagined Jesus in everyone of us as we came to pray. powerful. this is home.

imagined we as princes and princesses of the kingdom praising Him together. beautiful. God and heaven hearing and looking at us. and if one of us sings a song of love from the heart, God's heart just turns immediately and is moved. and if all of us? wowww.....and then when i worship God in my room alone, God and heaven is all ears and eyes. sacred, holy..........

our Daddy is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. we are His daughters (and sons). isn't that something? :)

~ Isaiah 54 ~
⁴ “ Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
      Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
      For you will forget the shame of your youth,
      And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
⁵ For your Maker is your husband,
      The LORD of hosts is His name;
      And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
      He is called the God of the whole earth.

i love reading Isaiah so much. i love the revelation of who God is through this book. there is so much hope, restoration, redemption and the tremendous faithfulness and grace of God to a broken and messed up nation :)

but the greatest of these is love

2010-06-08T02:33:00.000-07:00

~ 1 Corinthians 13 ~

The Greatest Gift
¹ Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.
² And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
³ And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

⁴ Love suffers long and is kind;
love does not envy;
love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

⁵ does not behave rudely,
does not seek its own,
is not provoked,
thinks no evil;

⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity,
but rejoices in the truth;

⁷ bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.

⁸ Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part.

¹⁰ But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. ¹² For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

¹³ And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

He never sleeps

2010-06-07T02:09:00.000-07:00

~ Psalm 121 ~
1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
         From whence comes my help?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
         Who made heaven and earth.

3 He will not allow your foot to be moved;
         He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
         Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD is your keeper;
         The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
         Nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
         He shall preserve your soul.
8 The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
         From this time forth, and even forevermore.

was King David ever captured?

wow

the joy of the Lord is my strength

2010-06-06T20:36:00.000-07:00

i understand the joy of the Lord as my strength. a strength that shields the heart and mind as well. a strength to carry and minister.

and i went home, and i lifted all of yesterday back to God.

a miracle. am getting better. better at coping.

i know my God is my Father

i know i am His

i know that who i am is not defined by how people respond or treat me. a life of response. no. a life of active loving.

and when You got upset for me, i felt something wash over my face. just wash and heal and anxiety removed.

i can love purely and unconditionally because my identity is not linked to givng.

You let me intercede because i let go.

You are good. and today is good.

all i needed to do was rest in God.

2010-06-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

our brains are small

God is uncreated. He's wild. we think in a certain way and think we know God using our rationale. God thinks in ways beyond our comprehension. and His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts higher than our thoughts.

have the mind of Christ. to totally have it is impossible. it means having the mind of God. it means being God. we can know God more and more each day. but we are not God. but we don't need to know. we just need to know He knows. and rest in that. and have faith in Him, not in the answers or logic or His works. because of who He is.

we are so so small. a drop in the ocean. a dot in the palm of His hand. yet He calls us sons and daughters of the King of Kings. royalty. the blood of Jesus runs through us.

God is huge! HUGE!

learning to only be impressed 100% by the opinions of God. (Credit: Mercy Lucille Soh on what the fear of the Lord is)

it's hard. but it's just knowing, realizing, treating, loving Jesus. seeing Jesus in every person. out flows honor, purity, respect.

just be happy.

saturated with God's love today. i will never see corporate worship as solitary, like it is at home. it is powerful to gather together to worship God. one Audience.

ohhh, in my room today as i was worshipping God, i realized that God and heaven were all ears and all eyes. they were listening to me sing my love and worship to Him. what an audience! that is amazing. i am part of the kingdom of God. it was an awe-some thing as well. and the fear of the Lord came.

when you realize what's really happening. the reality of God, the reality of Christ isn't the same as the physical reality of our own world or personal reality. the truth of God's Word reveals the reality that is God.

freedom to care and love in purity. i felt that was so beautiful. when God's sons and daughters honor, love, respect and protect each other. i imagine that touching the heart of God so that He must be in tears. and when the world sees that, they will see God. they will know what love really is.

when we let people be people, let God be God, everyone isn't all figured out. it gets a little wild. we don't understand. but that's real.

mirror mirror of God's Word, show me the truth about myself so i can work on them and not be deluded. work on humility, sincerity, and integrity. Character.

listen

2010-06-03T21:43:00.000-07:00

"We stop growing when we cease to be like children"
~ Bill Johnson ~

listen

see through You

2010-06-03T03:00:00.000-07:00

joanne wong, how many books have you not finished reading?!

Behind the Veil by Alice Smith
The Happy Intercessor by Beni Johnson (wonderful insights, wonderful heart. when intercession is just about being in God's presence, loving Him, hearing Him, being one with Him, great joy, light heart)
Creative Ministries by Henri Nouwen
Beauty to Ashes by Joyce Meyer
another book on prayer and intercession

2 other books that I don't feel I need to read.

and you ordered some more...

The Supernatural Ways of Royalty by Kris Valotton & Bill Johnson
Culture of Honor by Danny Silk
Pursuit of God by AW Tozer
Transforming the Inner Man by John Loren Sandford

but they are such treasures!! :) if i had more days, if the season was right, i would read them all. but gosh, I've never not finished reading books. ever.

my GST money is for these books. *happy*

clear eyes

2010-06-03T02:55:00.000-07:00

margaret babe, you are so real it's freeing.

purity and tenderness of heart - i hadn't these two though i thought i did. God's pulling down all the walls one by one.

i realize how ugly i am. ugly, with my identity in Christ fully intact.

maybe i cannot say what is on my heart because there is no congruence.

God's been opening my mouth in my quiet times with Him. and i just open my mouth and His Spirit reveals the depth of my heart and His heart. secrets. deep unspoken words forgotten. it is so strongly related to the gifts He wants to develop.

speak for all the times you couldn't speak for yourself.
voice out the fears and pain you hid
just be and admit it before God and not try to be strong.
cry for all the times you were not allowed to cry.

then i find i can speak for the good, for others.

not saying what's truly on my heart but subduing it and covering it up, or saying it, then regretting and cutting it short thinking it's not important. well, if the hard things are not important, so are the easy things. if the painful things are not important, so are the happy things. but the tongue is the worst part of the body to tame. sigh. now i know! now i know! i can work on it.

my mouth is the pen of a ready writer...

"why do you place so little value in yourself? why don't you think that you can inspire ...? I am in you, aren't i? That's the only reason we can share life."

tender reverence

2010-06-03T01:20:00.000-07:00

to love
love You
with tender reverence

every moment
every day
with anyone
anywhere

like i've never stepped out of Your beautiful presence

living now in eternity

let You be You

take me deeper in

the healing

2010-06-01T20:53:00.000-07:00

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."
~ 1 Peter 5: 6-7 ~

not some, all.

not only other's cares, our own cares.

not only the good cares, the bad cares too.

not only the major kingdom ones, the daily silly ones too.

all

not only the good feelings, the bad feelings too. all parts of us.

Peter lived with Jesus. i think he really meant it and knew, experienced it when he said to cast all our cares on Him. and we can do it, because He cares. He really does.

"He’s not after your talent, or your beauty, or how he can use you. He’s after your heart."
~ Misty Edwards ~

i looked and looked for years
i searched into some twinkling eyes
and one tender gaze

but it wasn't there to be found
nay
all along, you were there
i've been found
by you

i was searching and searching
it wasn't that you needed to be found
it was that i needed to know
that i was found
you found me
You found me

and You were searching my heart from the very first day

His way is perfect

2010-05-30T19:09:00.000-07:00

Psalm 18
²⁸ For You will light my lamp;
         The LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.
²⁹ For by You I can run against a troop,
         By my God I can leap over a wall.
³⁰ As for God, His way is perfect;
         The word of the LORD is proven;
         He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

³⁵ You have also given me the shield of Your salvation;
         Your right hand has held me up,
         Your gentleness has made me great.
³⁶ You enlarged my path under me,
         So my feet did not slip.

build bridges, not walls. tear down the remaining ones. God protects.

presence

2010-05-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

heart moments

...the group hug with faith and esther, heads close together, just being near, no words needed

...sitting with a dear sister on the ledge outside mcds, just freely sharing our hearts. sitting on the ground at popular scanning the bookshelves.

funny moments

...the young adults (men) and youth waiting for the kids to finish their game of monopoly. one brother has one deck on hand ready to play at all times.

...our concerned motherliness over certain alarming/eccentric behaviors

learnt humility

tasted freedom

received promises for the future

surrender

"When we review the events of our past apart from the blood of Jesus, we subject ourselves to the spirit of deception."
~ Bill Johnson ~

rest

2010-05-27T23:06:00.000-07:00

i slept more than 8 hours last night. :)

remedy:
Best Friend
releasing
crying
love
sleep

a new creatiom

2010-05-27T22:48:00.000-07:00

with every broken part
a sighing in the miry clay
a humbling in nothingness
surrendering in Your hands
washing of the pain
the sorrow of yesterday receding
a newness and purity emerging
the hollow laughter disappearing
joy being restored

royalty

2010-05-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

"She carries herself as royalty and other people can see it. she doesn't have a problem knowing who she is, so she focuses on making sure other people catch the revelation of who they are. This is the true mentality of a prince and princess. they spend more time raising up people around them rather than worrying about their own significance. they already know who they are inside, which enables them to become selfless and give out more than they receive

i love listening to other people's prophecies. Because then i learn to treat them not as they are but as God created them to be."

~ The Supernatural Ways of Royalty, Bill Johnson & Kris Valotton ~

secret keeper

2010-05-26T08:56:00.000-07:00

i am 24 and i don't even want to think about marriage.

i just envision one nice home for lots of kids, some close women friends nurturing them. and we're going to be all over the world. and i'll get to go on adventures and do crisis relief.

maybe i'm just getting old.

is two really better than one?

build bridges, tear down existing walls

2010-05-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

so i did that today. i started with a smile and wave.

You make all things new.

I am giving you a new name.

I am giving you something new and good.

I am proud of you.

all i need to see is You

2010-05-25T00:25:00.000-07:00

Psalm 23

¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
       He leads me beside quiet waters,
³ He restores my soul.
       He guides me in paths of righteousness
       for His name's sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
       through the valley of the shadow of death,
       I will fear no evil,
       for You are with me;
       Your rod and Your staff,
       they comfort me.
⁵ You prepare a table before me
       in the presence of my enemies.
       You anoint my head with oil;
       my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely goodness and love will follow me
       all the days of my life,
       and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
       forever.

re·store
1 : to put or bring back into existence or use
2 : to bring back to or put back into a former or original state : renew

restore what was broken, make new

leaning on You

2010-05-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

Psalm 147

Praise to God for His Word and Providence

¹ Praise the LORD!
         For it is good to sing praises to our God;
         For it is pleasant, and praise is beautiful.

² The LORD builds up Jerusalem;
         He gathers together the outcasts of Israel.
³ He heals the brokenhearted
         And binds up their wounds.
⁴ He counts the number of the stars;
         He calls them all by name.
⁵ Great is our Lord, and mighty in power;
         His understanding is infinite.
⁶ The LORD lifts up the humble;
         He casts the wicked down to the ground.

⁷ Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving;
         Sing praises on the harp to our God,
⁸ Who covers the heavens with clouds,
         Who prepares rain for the earth,
         Who makes grass to grow on the mountains.
⁹ He gives to the beast its food,
         And to the young ravens that cry.

¹⁰ He does not delight in the strength of the horse;
         He takes no pleasure in the legs of a man.
¹¹ The LORD takes pleasure in those who fear Him,
         In those who hope in His mercy.

¹² Praise the LORD, O Jerusalem!
         Praise your God, O Zion!
¹³ For He has strengthened the bars of your gates;
         He has blessed your children within you.
¹⁴ He makes peace in your borders,
         And fills you with the finest wheat.

¹⁵ He sends out His command to the earth;
         His word runs very swiftly.
¹⁶ He gives snow like wool;
         He scatters the frost like ashes;
¹⁷ He casts out His hail like morsels;
         Who can stand before His cold?
¹⁸ He sends out His word and melts them;
         He causes His wind to blow, and the waters flow.

¹⁹ He declares His word to Jacob,
         His statutes and His judgments to Israel.
²⁰ He has not dealt thus with any nation;
         And as for His judgments, they have not known them.

         Praise the LORD!

go sleep

2010-05-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

~ 1 Kings 19 ~

Elijah Escapes from Jezebel
¹ And Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done, also how he had executed all the prophets with the sword. ² Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, “So let the gods do to me, and more also, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by tomorrow about this time.” ³ And when he saw that, he arose and ran for his life, and went to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there.

⁴ But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now, LORD, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!”

⁵ Then as he lay and slept under a broom tree, suddenly an angeltouched him, and said to him, “Arise and eat.” ⁶ Then he looked, and there by his head was a cake baked on coals, and a jar of water. So he ate and drank, and lay down again. ⁷ And the angel of the LORD came back the second time, and touched him, and said, “Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you.” ⁸ So he arose, and ate and drank; and he went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights as far as Horeb, the mountain of God.

*

maybe we see what isn't there.

when we do that, we can't see what is there.

what God is doing

it's never what we expect

my Heavenly Father said, "enjoy yourself, dear"

2010-05-22T08:27:00.000-07:00

i woke up this morning and God said i didn't need to pray, just be still and know He is God. and rest my whole weight on Him. i need to learn that He is strong enough to take all of me. something i have never understood. loving always seemed to mean i had to do something. to be on the alert all the time with others. it's about God loving the person, not me.

if i don't pray, if i don't give care for a few hours, the world will keep going, it'll be safe in His hands.

glorious, glorious time cycling at east coast park today. :)

rode tandem with amazing brothers, Rem and David. (because i don't know how to cycle)

i didn't have to worry about balance, just had to let them lead and i support and cycle in unison.

Rem's the speedracer, it was such a thrill.

David's the steady considerate one, it was secure.

and the cool wind against our faces as we cycled down the slopes. amazing.

the night air was so cool, the city lights against the night sky. beautiful.

it was an amazing feeling.

the most secure place to be

2010-05-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

is just be a little child being held by her daddy. : )

walking in humility, in awe, no awareness of standards or worth.

just seeing Daddy :)

the morning

2010-05-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

i was standing in front of the mirror this morning getting ready.

and God said to to look at myself in the mirror, to know His hands had formed and shaped every part of my body with such care.

"you are made in My glorious image"

i just burst into tears.

be-long for-ever to You

2010-05-20T01:28:00.000-07:00

it's going to be okay. it's going to be okay.

lean in. hide in Me. trust Me. I'm strong. and I will not abandon you. I will not leave you even if you're doing okay.

you always say

2010-05-18T22:58:00.000-07:00

"we are family"

and i guess God is trying to tell me to depend, to lean, to trust in this support.

i feel touched.

and yet i feel afraid.

but God has been erasing so many lies.

that intimacy does not harm or destroy. pure intimacy is joy.

love does not demand.

"you are very very important. you are valuable."

and then i stop feeling bad about taking your time. about taking God's time.

love as time.

like if i don't take up your time, it's loving you.

i just realized! that i believed that my absence is more loving than my presence. and i even imparted that to another person. oh jo, how did you allow that to take root? if i ever told that to God, it would hurt Him. so why doesn't it hurt if i tell that to myself? it should hurt. but i believe it so much that the deception has become truth.

if i stop being ms caregiver tomorrow (as you like to call me), if i stop showing mercy and kindness tomorrow, You'll still love me. i'm still joanne wong. i am, and always will be, Your child. just that. stripping myself of things that i think make me who i am. going down to the barest of barest, that i am Yours and You are mine. that is all.

God has been whispering to my heart that He will never ever leave.

loved

2010-05-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

today with the kids at the student centre...

bellowed at the top of my lungs, louder than i've ever been in years.

a little boy with eyes the size of golf balls chattered non-stop.
"if you could bring only one thing to the island you're stranded, what would it be?"
"policeman!"
trying to keep a straight face. "why?"
"to make sure thief don't come to the island!"
couldn't stop laughing. fell to the floor. the kids at the centre are extremely amused when i laugh non-stop, that they (the grave older ones) smile too.

"wah! how come they so fast finish their food?"
"it's because your mouth very big." teased Tim.
"if you talk less, you'll eat faster," said Margaret wryly.

bounced up and down like a little kid and made funny faces and didn't even think about how i looked. knowing who i am makes me walk in authority.

stood beside a little boy, arm around him, as tears welled up in his eyes and wouldn't speak, talking and pressing tissue into his hands without making him look less manly. he wouldn't tell us why and it hit me how helpless we felt (aunt alice and i) because we didn't know why. because we couldn't help him. and i said he could talk to me if he wanted and that his feelings mattered, and i felt sad when he cried. it was painful, seeing tears roll down his eyes. but it wasn't the kind of pain that i felt with hurting people.

and then i realize, that's how i am with God. i mean, God knows what's going on, He knows how i feel. but i won't let Him in. i still struggle real bad. i'm trying to break the habit of keeping it in. and it pains Him.but every day as i allow Him in more and more, we get there. just complete intimacy, without that wall.

then the next minute, whiny shawn loong was crying because he was hungry and got sulky. hungry boys or men...they all need food. i'm sorry to say but the boys seemed like girls today.

seeing a little girl and her brother hug each other spontaneously during the workshop.

it made my day to be hugged by a dear little girl 3 times within 3 hours. "kak!" :) she just reached my waist. but such a warm, sweet presence.

and mercy opening up her arms to me to hug.

pure joy when xinyi played well on the keys today during worship practice. just envisioned her playing in service and being wonderful.

like i was in hiding today and it was such a happy thing. coz God saw me, and i didn't need anyone to see me. and joy because in unity, in allowing others to shine, the music was beautiful to God. less is more :) always.

for eternity and joy is Your will for our lives

2010-05-17T01:58:00.000-07:00

lawrence gave me this green tea chocolate covered biscuit from japan. i love green tea! so happy :) there are few foods that i love and keep. this is one of them :) :) he's so thoughtful, coz i order green tea wherever i go.

lovely sisters / princesses :)

lovingly handmade by the bride-to-be

our keith david tay and david israel gerard...hahaha

the beautiful couple :)

Daddy was showing me that He will never leave me alone. He gave me my lovely sisters, gallant brothers, a tender-hearted motherly kar jie / mentor, the warm presence of a furry friend. and He thinks i'm beautiful. :) and He gave me sleep. slept early. being tired is such a gift.

learning to lean. learning to be a child.

My child

2010-05-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

forever i will be with You
forever, forever

I will be with you
forever

and tears streamed down my face

God in us

2010-05-12T23:33:00.000-07:00

1 Peter 2:17
“Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king”

God has been teaching me about honor these few weeks. honor. freedom. healing. newness. a flow.

when we don't honor, we reduce God in them, the work that He is doing. our thoughts, attitudes affect their actions. we essentially dishonor God who made them and is in them.

"We think by not honoring it protects us but it actually does the opposite.

Because when we release honor to all people, what we are declaring is that I am not letting my disagreements with you or your character defects control me. I have standards that will not be removed regardless of our disagreements and what you may have done to me, it will not control who I am.

We don’t honor people because they are honorable but because we are honorable!

We value them as people created in the image and likeness of God. We honor Christ in them. By honoring all people you are drawing the goodness God placed inside of them."

(Credit: Culture of Honor)

"Life flows through honor.

The Principle of Honor states that: accurately acknowledging who people are will position us to give them what they deserve and to receive the gift of who they are in our lives."

~ Danny Silk, Culture of Honor ~

man, i really really want Danny Silk's 'Culture of Honor' and Bill Johnson's & Kris Vallotton's "The Ways of Royalty" book.

my travel agent friend

2010-05-12T02:13:00.000-07:00

my lovely travel agent met up with me to collect her 5 figure cheque. and she treated me to tea and toast at yakun.
i feel awake from the tea

alive from the warm and light-hearted conversation

and happy.

Daddy must have seen. thank You Daddy.

and it was nice to find out she's family.

this woman has been all over the world. to turkey, 5 times! she was probably walking through the map in her mind when i asked her where she had been.

fabulous is the word to describe two women bonding over tea.

beauty for ashes

2010-05-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”

4 And they shall rebuild the old ruins,
They shall raise up the former desolations,
And they shall repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations.
~ Isaiah 61 ~

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning, beauty will rise

So take another breath for now,
and let the tears come washing down,
and if you can't believe I will believe
for you.

Cuz I have seen
the signs of spring!
Just watch and see:

I can hear it in the distance
and it's not too far away.
It's the music and the laughter
of a wedding and a feast.
I can almost feel the hand of God
reaching for my face
to wipe the tears away, and say,
"It's time to make everything new."
"Make it all new"
~ beauty for ashes, steven curtis chapman ~

ashes

concrete walls and ashes. signs of destruction.

ashes for beauty

You make all things new

and You are rebuilding.

being God's friend

2010-05-09T22:59:00.000-07:00

We are called to understand the revelation of God. If we do not know who He is, we will be like the people in Jeremiah’s time. Jeremiah’s generation was on the brink of judgment because they did not know God. They had become deceived. They had experienced a time of prosperity and peace in their land, and had misinterpreted God’s mercy, thinking God was winking at their wrongdoings and blessing them anyway. God, in His great mercy and compassion, was actually giving them time to repent, rather than being indifferent to their sin.

A similar deception marks many of our lives and our congregations today. The heart question in this generation is the same heart question as in the days of Jeremiah. What are you confident in? Are you confident in your gifting, your ability, your resources, your contacts, your affiliations and your finances? Or are you confident in your God? Are you confident that you understand what is going on in the heart of God for your generation?

“Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, let not the mighty man glory in his might, nor let the rich man glory in his riches; but let him who glories glory in this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment and righteousness in the earth, for in these I delight,” says the Lord. (Jeremiah 9:23-24)

God is crying out, “Who understands Me? Who knows what is going on in My heart? Who feels what I feel as I prepare to send judgment? Who has a clue about the tenderness in My heart?”

We are called not only to know God, but to teach others to know God. Jeremiah prophesied that God would give His people shepherds who would feed them with the knowledge and understanding of Him (Jeremiah 3:15). I believe God is in the process of raising up friends who know Him deeply and intimately, who will walk with Him and carry His heart, and who will share His heart with others. I really believe that God is causing the body of Christ to transition from having a servant mentality to having a friendship mentality. Jesus said, “No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go out and bear fruit, and that your fruit shall remain” (John 15:15-16).

Knowing God is about more than having information. It is about who can and who cannot be trusted with the deep things of God’s heart. The Lord rocked my paradigm about four years ago concerning what it means to be a friend of God. I have always longed to be one of those intercessors who stayed up all day and all night in intercession, like David Brainerd. The problem was that I never could wake up in the middle of the night. A burglar could have come in and robbed the whole house, and I would have slept through it.

My big night eventually came, though. The Lord woke me up supernaturally at 3am. My eyes popped open and I heard the Lord say, “Get up. I want you to be with Me.” I wanted to get up, but I told Him I was tired and went back to sleep. Five minutes later, He woke me up again, and I responded the same way. Five minutes after that, the Lord spoke to me a third time and asked, “Can you not tarry with me on hour?”

I said, “Okay, I’ll get up! I’ll get up!” You can’t go back to sleep after hearing that verse (Mark 14:37).

I went into another room and waited. I was sure I was going to hear some supernatural revelation that would impact the nations. It seemed to me that if God had awakened me, the intercessor, He must have something important to say. There must be something big going on. I sat in that room for fifteen minutes, waiting with my notepad in hand, but nothing happened. I began to doze. In time I went back to sleep.

I woke up the next morning frustrated and angry. My big chance had come and I had messed up. I went to the International House of Prayer and spent the first hour in the prayer room being upset with myself. Eventually I decided to share what had happened with one of my good friends and asked if she had any advice.

After I told my friend what happened, she looked at me and said, “Don’t you know what He wanted from you, Corey? All He wanted was for you to be with Him. He didn’t need you to do anything or to pray anything. He wanted you to be with Him because He counts you as His friend.”

Those few phrases shook my whole concept of God and of how He sees me. I realized that I have value to Him and that I bring comfort to His heart. That realization is massive. And it’s a hammer blow to the spirit of religion that defines us by what we do, rather than by who we are. That encounter led me into the understanding that God wants me, not because of what I do for Him, but because of who I am to Him. He who inhabits eternity values us because we are His friends.

~ Pursuit of the Holy, Corey Russell ~ via Bex

delights..."oh, babe!"

2010-05-09T09:47:00.000-07:00

i love my thick hair, oh i do, even when it looks like a lion's mane.

i've been bouncing up and down these few days. silly, forgetful, free.

mercy being a big sister and mothering me, "sleep early!" and sending me article on sleep deprivation leading to early death. i've never had a big sister.

today we prayed for broken families. ached.

it touched my heart so much that you dear people wanted to celebrate zijuan's birthday.

ps sally holding my hand and asking whether mum was around today during mother's day

Eve's poor strangled, tortured chicken, our mascot

the ice cream pit stop at Mcds before heading of to the esplanade for cell.

that light and joy that comes from righteousness and purity of heart. it's beautiful, God's glory upon you

i laughed and laughed from my belly today with korkor and mummy. i realize how i can separate the stuff that doesn't belong to me. and keep pure and respond in joy and love.

i scold people off when they're mean to others.

i'm happy happy being where i'm at now. hehe

boasting about ourselves is boasting about God who made us! "God, You made me good." there was something that coursed through me as i said that. a strengthening of myself in Him. there was no pride, but glorifying Him.

i love that i write a lot.

i love that i'm ticklish and laugh at everything. and laughing inwardly is not a sign of craziness. it's a good thing. david's my giggling partner. we set each other off. he laughs at me. and i laugh at him laughing at me. actually, most of the time, i'm laughing at the facial expressions or how the person thinks they're smart when they say it. it's not so much of the quality of the joke.

nice to just be able to talk to Bex after dinner. easy to just talk about heart things. about people. and find shoes, which i think are the hardest things to shop for!

to behold God with tenderness and reverence. to love righteousness and hate sin/wickedness. the sin that cost Him His life and such suffering. the forgiveness that hurts. came at a price. lavishly He gives, but at such a cost.

Your throne, O God, is forever and ever;
A scepter of righteousness is the scepter of Your kingdom.
You love righteousness and hate wickedness;
Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You
With the oil of gladness more than Your companions.
~ Psalm 45: 6-7 ~

hold me

2010-05-06T22:28:00.000-07:00

keep my heart and mind steady

founded on the Rock

convictions should bring peace, not confusion.
convictions should secure my identity even more

keep me in You. the world sways. words affect. people change. but i remain in You. everlasting. unchanging. eternal.

tired of it.

keep me steady.

God of the how much more

2010-05-06T08:49:00.000-07:00

by Edmund Chan

Suddenly, a different light is seen on this teaching. It is no longer “you must press on, grit your teeth, persevere in prayer, keep asking. Don’t let up. Put in more effort. Do more!”. No. Suddenly, prayer is no longer a performance that we must get it seek to get right. Suddenly, prayer is not about a right formula. Rather, the entire emphasis on prayer is not on how we perform but on who God is. For now we have a glorious picture before us of the kind of God we call Father. He is the God of the “how much more!”.

“Come on”, Jesus is saying in effect to His disciples, “God is totally opposite of the reluctant friend in the parable! You guys missed the picture entirely. If you as fallen human fathers know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more would God! If then this earthly friend gave his neighbour his bread, how much more will your Heavenly Father give you these good things. How much more! And suddenly it entirely changes the picture of a reluctant God to that of the God of the “how much more!”.

“Prayer is not overcoming God’s reluctance; it is co-operating with His highest willingness”.

Finally we are getting our theology right. Finally we are integrating right theology with prayer. Finally we have a sound theology of prayer. We no longer fall in the deception of a reluctant God who folds His arms and say, “Sorry, I will only answer if you are good enough, if you perform correctly, if you say the right words, if keep repeating it”. We are no longer labouring under a deception of a God who shouts, “You can do better than that!”. Rather, it moves us to see the God who truly wants to bless! The God who wants to bless His children over and above what we ask or imagine! And how much more!

Right theology produces right prayers. In Luke 11:1-13, we learn the most important principle about prayer. Prayer is coming boldly in the name of Jesus to the God of the “how much more who is just waiting to bless. I think it was E. Stanley Jones who said, “Prayer is not overcoming God’s reluctance; it is co-operating with His highest willingness”. He’s got it right! Prayer is not twisting the arm of God. It is believing that in a God who hears our prayers, answers our prayers and even exceeds our prayers!

There are many restless Christians, few rested ones. The people of God would be far more rested if we come back again and again to this profound truth. We live at peace because we know that God is not reluctant to give us what is ultimately good for us. We live at peace without feeling that we must play junior Holy Spirit to control everything because God is in control. He answers over and beyond what we ask. We live at peace if such a theology is embraced. The God of the “how much more”! We become very theocentric, very God-centred, in our prayers. We become Christians with a profound restedness in God rather than a prevailing restlessness that is prominent in our culture, even in many Christian circles today. We are restless only because we do not know the God of Rest. The God who want to bless

The God of the “how much more”!

Now we might ask the question, if this is the teaching Jesus intended, why did Jesus say “because of his perseverance” in verse 8: “Because of his perseverance, he will get up and give him as much as he needs”. Isn’t Jesus clearly talking about perseverance here? I believe that the word “perseverance” is a weak translation for the Greek word ‘anaideia’ in Luke 11:8. The word ‘anaideia’ basically means “without shame” or “boldly”. That’s why the alternative rendering in the NASV version is “shamelessly, without shame”. The thing that causes us to come reluctantly to God is because we see Him as a reluctant God. We feel a lack of boldness or courage to approach such a wrongly conceived God. The Bible says we are to come to God “without shame”. With a holy unabashness because we see and delight in God as He really is - the God of the “how much more”! Only then, in the light of this wondrous truth can I come running readily before the father without shame, boldly to ask that which I know God delights in giving. What a privilege! I can come to God in Jesus’ name. Without shame!

So immediately after Jesus finished praying, one of them represented the group and boldly came to Him and said, “Lord Jesus, would You teach us to pray, just as John the Baptist taught his disciple to pray. Give us a formula for prayer, something we can recite. We don’t know what to say!”.

You’ve missed the most important thing. Prayer is not about you, prayer is all about God! It is not primarily about how deep your prayer is, or how great your prayer is, or how long your prayer is, or even how eloquent your prayer is!

Prayer is all about who God is.

Jesus gave the exhortation: ‘Ask and it shall be given’. Without understanding the full implication of the parable, the disciples must have nodded in superficial understanding, “yeah, we got it. We understand what Jesus is saying. We got the prayer formula and now we have this additional teaching that we’ve got to keep on asking! So we have got to keep on repeating this prayer formula. Great!”

“No,” Jesus said in effect, “You missed the picture altogether. You don’t understand because you’re thinking prayer in relation to yourself, you are thinking prayer in relation to your initiative, your action, your performance and your words! You’ve missed the most important thing. Prayer is not about you, prayer is all about God! It is not primarily about how big your prayer, or how deep your prayer, or how great your prayer, or how long your prayer, or even how eloquent your prayer is! It is all about who God is. You miss this understanding of the heart of God, then even the Lord’s Prayer is meaningless to you. You people think of God as a reluctant God who is most difficult to please. You think of God as One who is a miserly or severe. But My Father is not like that at all! He’s the God of the “how much more!”

Having said that, Jesus pressed home His point: “Come on, if your young son come to you and ask for a fish or an egg, you won’t give a snake or a scorpion, will you? Of course not! If you as fallen earthly fathers know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Heavenly Father give you His unreserved blessings! Don’t miss it, your Heavenly Father is the God of the “how much more!” Everything in your prayer is contingent to the fact. This is your God!”.

Faith filled evening

2010-05-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

i love when because of our weaknesses, we could talk about God...all our stories exist because we have God...

remember last july? :)

it's been almost a year

but every day getting to know you is new

dear Faith, thank you for sharing your heart with me, for sharing the deep, for allowing me in.

thank you for allowing me to share my life with you.

you have wonderful talent, a tender heart, a love for people, you see injustice and stand up against it, you have faith (:>).

dear daughter of God, His precious beloved. He's going to take you deeper in and bring you to greater heights.

the work of His hands is marvelous. you are beautiful.

God, overflow of Your love into their hearts

2010-05-05T20:20:00.000-07:00

where are you?
where are you running to?

where are you?
we're looking for you

and we wish,
you would reach your hands out to us
and we wish
you would let us love you

you know your mother? she's been waiting and waiting
come back, come back daughter
you know when you said you would return
"cook dinner for me ah?"
and she did. and she waited and waited
come back, come back daughter

you are not a disappointment
you are not a failure
stop running from yourself
stop running from us
life will turn around
don't give up on us
on the world that keeps hurting you

don't give up, don't give up

don't give up, broken-hearted mother
don't give up
your home is the place where He is
don't give up

tear down the walls!

protect them Father. keep them safe in Your arms.

i was eating eggs. and it hit me, these were little chicks! ohhh! it seemed worse than eating full grown chickens.

my favorite food. ohh!! it was like poor defenseless little unborn chicks.. feel like a murderer now.

why are eggs in everything?! :(

You alone deserve all glory

2010-05-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

when there are broken people and sharing about God.

only God is glorified because what is man but miry clay?

give You back all the glory.

i don't want people to see me, but You. if they do, then it glorifies You.

i dozed off in front of my laptop again.

sleep properly, jo!

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
~ James 5:16 ~

He has overcome

2010-05-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

~ Galatians 6:2 ~
"Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

everyone bears Your image. You came through her. cried and hugged me.

if God is for me, who can be against me? ~ Romans 8:31 ~

sow seeds of righteouness, purity, boldness, love.
beware of seeds of bitterness and cultivating them through cynicism. spreads to all other areas. results in stony heart. deadly to soul and affects receptivity ~ Galatians 6:7-8 ~

learning to ask God to speak through my mouth and not just talk. i have to guard my tongue too. and check my motives...

angels encamp around them

2010-05-03T10:35:00.000-07:00

the mothers sat there, helplessness in their eyes, silence.

the tears wept for them this morning built up behind my eyes.

and we can only tell them to hope and wait while they do the best they can.

"why He never answer my prayer? when? when?" she asked.

heart's ache behind the question.

the sacred trust given to mothers.

and a grace given to single mothers.

this is not my burden. i cannot carry them. they are on loan to pray for. now returned.

a lovely sarah day

2010-05-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

Princess Sarah,

thank you for shopping with me. it really helped to have you give me your comments.

i got to know you so much more! :) your taste in clothes, your take on life and people, the word released to you about your calling/gifting, your cute shocked face, your cheekiness. i'm so glad.

and we came up with 3 amazing ideas:
1) Making our own Ichigo Bliss next time - frozen grapes and strawberries
2) Compiling the church's love stories, with comics illustrations
3) Selling of our old clothes at a flea market

you're amazing, dear.

and your presence is such a gift to me. peaceful. you have this self-assurance. i felt so blessed and loved sitting there with you.

*hugs*

p.s. even princesses have to keep themselves hydrated so i'll try to make sure you drink at least one cup of water when we're together.

safe in my Father's arms

2010-05-01T06:01:00.000-07:00

i am really blessed. Blessed because through it all, i get to know You in this way. know how loving and good and big You are. Daddy, i love You. You are so good. and You love me. You must love me so much to do all this. it must be so important that i know You and love You because You want to be loved and trusted by me. that my love and trust (from a human being) should be important to You. that is how much value You see and You don't demand / force it. You gently and patiently draw me to You.

i am His beloved.

i don't want to go back there.

God made me wonderful and marvelous. i am God's princess. and i am important to Him, to heaven, to the angels. i am His masterpiece. Haha! oh God, keep me from having too high a view of myself. just the truth.

God has won it all. and He turns ashes into beauty, broken pieces of clay into gold.

safe in His arms

2010-04-30T21:12:00.000-07:00

¹ He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
² I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
~ Psalm 91 ~

when I say, "you are Mine",

it is not out of possession.

I redeem you and call you My own in perfect love, patience, being slow to anger, not counting your mistakes and sins.

I am yours and you are Mine
you are safe in my arms
I hide you in the shadow of My wings

your tears that you couldn't cry matter to Me
all the smiles that you lost matter to Me
all the times you felt scared and helpless matter to Me

I love you forever and ever!!

I love your smile and joy in Me, darling.
I put My smile into My people.

you delight Me.

inspiring people

2010-04-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

this young man whose studying social work in nus. he has such a heart for international students. he reaches out, he cares for their needs. what an amazing thing when people live out the passions of the heart God has placed in them. and his heart for China. his ability to laugh at how scrawny he is no matter how much meat he eats and bulks us.

auntie alice. oh, auntie alice, you are such a gem. sticking up for you and praising you before men, is a joy. you really mother me even in the few times we see each other a month. haha. and you consider my schedule for paktoh times. haha. sat behind the counter with you. before leaving, felt God ask me to hug her. so i stood up and said, "i hug you?" and i reached out my hands to her and she welcomed them. she seemed shy after that. God's love touched her.

and dear girl with the big eyes and innocent heart. God's presence must have reached right into your heart and bared something beneath that tough exterior. oh!! God doesn't need me. He takes care of her, of my family. and i can't be a parent. i can't be God. i step aside and God moves.

rooted and grounded in love

2010-04-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

i am His beloved.

i feel like i'm in His arms. a journey. i don't want to slip out like today.

Father, restore my heart, restore and heal. increase joy as i am purified. i am Your beloved. i want to proclaim this. now i know why i ache for them and get indignant. You are God. the world will know through me You are their Father, will know You as Healer, Redeemer. You love them so much. give me the grace to remain faithful to You and love You and live in Your presence and love every day more and more. You make my life a miracle. You are the only One who turns our ashes into beauty. that's why You alone are God. Author of life. You make all things new. i love You. guard what You are doing in this season that i may no longer go back to my old ways. grow from glory to glory. guard my heart and mind.

ps frankie said last year that God would restore joy to me. that was the first time someone prayed i would receive joy, and i didn't feel pressurized to look joyful. it is a gift :)

sobered, stilled reading His Word and prayed. and He humbled my heart. His Word always spreads a foundation beneath where i land my chaotic mind and heart on. it really is God's grace that i'm not overwhelmed. He held me together, heart, mind, body. It's been an intense week and taking in a lot. really accelerated. He didn't just make me stable. He did more than that. He held me. i feel my heart getting lighter every day.

hold her too. melt hearts of stone. we can't see. blinded. these lies. Your light and love break through like the light of the morning. Father, have mercy. bring salvation and freedom and Your glory to this household.

"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

~ Ephesians 3:14-21 ~

Christ is my victory! lift my heart and joy in Him and sing praises! He is the Lord! joy, love and faith are my weapons. :) and i am extremely important to Him. i am His beloved. won't let that be stolen from me. rooted in His love. He is faithful till the end.

2010-04-28T20:34:00.000-07:00

i am His beloved.

:) :)

"Hahhaa! That is beautiful : ) double dosage of love. It is pretty interesting - You know God is Father/Mother heart and it seems like ... he is like the Father rep and I'm like the Mother rep sort if you know what I mean - to reveal His entire heart to you ;- it is like God accelerates by bringing 2 people to share how much he loves you and how important you are to him through 2 different genders : ) You are important Jo! You are a child of God and we are family! : ) love u lots P/S: go to bed !!!! Hahaha ! Goodnight"

God loves me!!

my heart is overflowing, brimming with His love.

i woke up this morning smiling. :) :)

i went to bed last night, just being a child, these were the last verses i was meditating on.

"Also He spoke this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other men—extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess.’ And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Then they also brought infants to Him that He might touch them; but when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to Him and said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”
~ Luke 18: 9-17 ~

just lean

2010-04-28T05:06:00.000-07:00

i really feel joy as God's healing me and allowing me to release and learn to be a little child in His presence and lean on Him and His children. i cried, "don't leave me alone." and He said i wasn't alone. and that i could reach out.

joy and pain. it does co-exist. but the joy lifts the spirit.

thank You for being a Father. that's what You said in Feb, that You'll be a Father to me, protect me, and... that's what You've showing me every day, and i'm becoming more of a child who can lean on You and let You be strong and big and loving, who can take all of me.

thank You for Your grace..to have a humble and childlike heart more and more and just let You heal this little daughter who just wants to be hugged, and not feel as if she has to do the right thing and feel the right way and be strong all the time. just rest in You, and let You be strong on my behalf and take care of everything.

thank You for Your precious children, my family, who are loving with Your heart and words, with tenderness and sensitivity. i commit them into Your hands.

You do care. You do care, Daddy.

that day, i saw You in my mind's eye. close. that You would wipe away my tears. that i could turn my face up and look into Your eyes. and there was no shame. but love and favor and tenderness. that You would protect me. there was no blemish in me.

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning

~ Before the Morning, Josh Wilson ~

heart tugs

2010-04-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

the little girl: "i'm marking your laptop with my fingerprints"

she started singing 'shout to the Lord' and i joined in, and God's presence was there. amazing isn't it? God's presence in our office. i believe He did something in her heart there and then.

when you don't want to open up, open up. when you want to isolate, hang out with somebody. do the opposite of what you feel inclined to do. break the spirit of independence. lean. just be a child with God.

i don't know what happened. but i lost that whimsical, poetic outlook to life and just take things in as they are, just observe.

eat humble pie, joanne wong

2010-04-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

you lose nothing being humbled.

don't go back to it anymore. today is today. tomorrow is tomorrow.

i'm sorry.

You always minister at the keyboard. and things start coming out.

please continue the process at Your own time.

not supposed to wrench out the thorn but let You take it out bit by bit. and every little step means something. it's not all at one go. thank You for today.

thank You for covering me with so much grace, enough to abide in me and my junk.

thank You for their kindness

i really just want to be a child.

the biggest wall was that. and held back from You. i don't know how to break it down. please do it.

i don't want to sow bad seeds and have bad roots dig deep into the ground. uproot them one by one. help me allow You to do so.

accepted in the Beloved

2010-04-26T19:48:00.000-07:00

Ephesians 1
¹ Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God,
To the saints who are in Ephesus, and faithful in Christ Jesus:
² Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Redemption in Christ
³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, ⁴ just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, ⁵ having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, ⁶ to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.

⁷ In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace ⁸ which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, ⁹ having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself, ¹⁰ that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, bothwhich are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him. ¹¹ In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, ¹² that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory.

¹³ In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, ¹⁴ who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory.

wow wow wow. speak this truth deep into my spirit and heart.

in You

2010-04-26T02:59:00.000-07:00

if i can ask You, did it all amount to nothing? it means i was striving to earn my identity. it means i thought my goodness could be measured to Your perfection. what audacity. Christ is my righteousness. i can add nothing to it.

i feel like nothing. my doing has nothing to do with my self-worth. but on who You see me and call me to be.

strip me of my self-importance and the pride in my own self or 'goodness'. they are nothing. everything i hold dear, i count it as loss. because i had less of You. when the selfish me is there. in me, You You You! continue to strip me and break me to nothing, like the alabaster jar. my 'dignity', my pride, being liked, my 'goodness', any ability or talent. break me down like the broken vessel and bind me up with You. none of my own binding.

be gentle and be patient. it takes time. revealing a bit at a time for a reason. trust Me.

nothing but the Lord in me. and yet you say, not a slave, but a friend. not a pauper, but a princess. a friend to the Most High. a daughter to the King.

You are amazing, Lord. Your love is beyond my comprehension.

i can be, and You can shine Your glory and beauty through my humanity and ugliness. You make miracles of Your people everyday. i want to rest in You.

You carry all this

2010-04-26T00:49:00.000-07:00

when kids kill and rape each other

when mothers kill their children

when fathers rape their daughters

when priests molest young boys, their flock

when men kidnap and rape an injured girl and leave her to walk home alone

so much pain and brokenness, so much deception and brutalizing of humanity, destruction of lives and shattered people, broken people. perversion of Your plans and relationships with people around us. loving things more than people. knowing hatred more than love.

and in the midst of it, courageous acts of love and self-sacrifice.

how do You bear looking at us through time? how do You bear all this? how we destroy others made in Your image, our own lives? yet You love us though this is not Your original plan when You created us,

You are the only One who knows how. You are our Redeemer. You are our Healer. You are our Father in Heaven. You are our Savior.

You make all things new

2010-04-25T23:23:00.000-07:00

Psalm 147
¹ Praise the LORD!
         For it is good to sing praises to our God;
         For it is pleasant, and praise is beautiful.

² The LORD builds up Jerusalem;
         He gathers together the outcasts of Israel.
³ He heals the brokenhearted
         And binds up their wounds.
⁴ He counts the number of the stars;
         He calls them all by name.
⁵ Great is our Lord, and mighty in power;
         His understanding is infinite.
⁶ The LORD lifts up the humble;
         He casts the wicked down to the ground.

⁷ Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving;
         Sing praises on the harp to our God,
⁸ Who covers the heavens with clouds,
         Who prepares rain for the earth,
         Who makes grass to grow on the mountains.
⁹ He gives to the beast its food,
         And to the young ravens that cry.

¹⁰ He does not delight in the strength of the horse;
         He takes no pleasure in the legs of a man.
¹¹ The LORD takes pleasure in those who fear Him,
         In those who hope in His mercy.

¹² Praise the LORD, O Jerusalem!
         Praise your God, O Zion!
¹³ For He has strengthened the bars of your gates;
         He has blessed your children within you.
¹⁴ He makes peace in your borders,
         And fills you with the finest wheat.

¹⁵ He sends out His command to the earth;
         His word runs very swiftly.
¹⁶ He gives snow like wool;
         He scatters the frost like ashes;
¹⁷ He casts out His hail like morsels;
         Who can stand before His cold?
¹⁸ He sends out His word and melts them;
         He causes His wind to blow, and the waters flow.

¹⁹ He declares His word to Jacob,
         His statutes and His judgments to Israel.
²⁰ He has not dealt thus with any nation;
         And as for His judgments, they have not known them.

         Praise the LORD!

Isaiah 61
The Year of the LORD's Favor
¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
       because the LORD has anointed me
       to preach good news to the poor.
       He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
       to proclaim freedom for the captives
       and release from darkness for the prisoners,
² to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
       and the day of vengeance of our God,
       to comfort all who mourn,
³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
       to bestow on them a crown of beauty
       instead of ashes,
       the oil of gladness
       instead of mourning,
       and a garment of praise
       instead of a spirit of despair.
       They will be called oaks of righteousness,
       a planting of the LORD
       for the display of his splendor.
⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins
       and restore the places long devastated;
       they will renew the ruined cities
       that have been devastated for generations.
⁵ Aliens will shepherd your flocks;
       foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
⁶ And you will be called priests of the LORD,
       you will be named ministers of our God.
       You will feed on the wealth of nations,
       and in their riches you will boast.
⁷ Instead of their shame
       my people will receive a double portion,
       and instead of disgrace
       they will rejoice in their inheritance;
       and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
       and everlasting joy will be theirs.
⁸ "For I, the LORD, love justice;
       I hate robbery and iniquity.
       In my faithfulness I will reward them
       and make an everlasting covenant with them.
⁹ Their descendants will be known among the nations
       and their offspring among the peoples.
       All who see them will acknowledge
       that they are a people the LORD has blessed."
¹⁰ I delight greatly in the LORD;
       my soul rejoices in my God.
       For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
       and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,
       as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
       and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
¹¹ For as the soil makes the sprout come up
       and a garden causes seeds to grow,
       so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise
       spring up before all nations.

Revelation 21
All Things Made New
¹ Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. ² Then I, John,saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

⁵ Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me,“Write, for these words are true and faithful.”

⁶ And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. ⁷ He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. ⁸ But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”

The New Jerusalem

⁹ Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.” ¹⁰ And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holyJerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, ¹¹ having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal. ¹² Also she had a great and high wall with twelve gates, and twelve angels at the gates, and names written on them, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel: ¹³ three gates on the east, three gates on the north, three gates on the south, and three gates on the west.

¹⁴ Now the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the namesof the twelve apostles of the Lamb. ¹⁵ And he who talked with me had a gold reed to measure the city, its gates, and its wall. ¹⁶ The city is laid out as a square; its length is as great as its breadth. And he measured the city with the reed: twelve thousand furlongs. Its length, breadth, and height are equal. ¹⁷ Then he measured its wall: one hundred and forty-four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of an angel. ¹⁸ The construction of its wall was of jasper; and the city was pure gold, like clear glass. ¹⁹ The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with all kinds of precious stones: the first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, ²⁰ the fifth sardonyx, the sixth sardius, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst. ²¹ The twelve gates were twelve pearls: each individual gate was of one pearl. And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass.

The Glory of the New Jerusalem
²² But I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. ²³ The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light. ²⁴ And the nations of those who are savedshall walk in its light, and the kings of the earth bring their glory and honor into it. ²⁵ Its gates shall not be shut at all by day (there shall be no night there). ²⁶ And they shall bring the glory and the honor of the nations into it. ²⁷ But there shall by no means enter it anything that defiles, or causes an abomination or a lie, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.

words released

2010-04-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

broken vessel

never meant to carry so many burdens. God carrying it

you are not going to go through this alone.

you are Mine. I am yours. I am yours. you can cry out, "My God. My Healer. My Father. My Redeemer. My Savior." not just "Father / our Father, Healer / our Healer, Savior / our Savior." I died for you on that cross. I am yours. don't have to give way. don't have to step back from My love. the one word was 'my'.

fasted according to Isaiah 58. speedy healing was one of them. give me grace to go through this with a humble heart, to know You, to be patient (because i want to rush through to all the solutions and wish i didn't have to go through it), to trust You, go through purification and be free in You. i just want to be healed. i don't want to care how ugly and broken i look. and in that be glorified and magnified and shine through these cracks.

hi Daddy :) :) :)

2010-04-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

i had such a fabulous time with Mercy on the phone. we talked for almost 3 hours.

what was supposed to be throwing in the towel, ended up in my confession, laughter and lots of heart sharing, wisdom.

i feel so free. it's been ages since i had such a phone call. like the kind you share with your friends when we had no handphone or msn. and oh, Daddy! i was writing about how old-fashioned i really am and miss those kinda phone calls and He heard.

but it would never have happened if i hadn't called in my weakness, which i don't normally do. i was desperate enough to listen to the voice that told me, "you need someone to know so they can pray with you. call." if i didn't break the cycle i had lived in for a long long time. i feel like something in me is set free. loosed.

and i can't stop smiling over this gift. thank You Daddy! thank you Mercy! you are hilarious. and you have such a childlike, humble heart. thank you for sharing your life and heart with me! God really spoke to me..

i asked You to confirm all my callings and dreams on my heart. and You just did, one by one. thank You. i am assured that i can walk in it.

i see Your hand in everything. when i vowed to be isolate, You broke that. being alone is the weakest place to be in. oh!

in Your presence is fullness of joy (psalm 16).so we intercede and ask for Your burden, but lift them back to You. and we should be the most joyful lot. not go around looking constipated. hahahahaha....

and receive Your calling! to heal hearts, be a counselor / social worker, receive it and then be able to pursue it with confidence.

the more we are healed, the more You purify us and Your presence increases in our lives. :)

but i don't get why i still feel pain when the people in haiti go through more extreme things....the people in haiti are extremely extremely important to God. but you are also extremely important to God. if you rate your love for them as 10 on a scale, your love for yourself (God's love) should be the same.

i know i'm not alone when you shared about that deep sorrow that you used to have. can smile, can laugh easily, but it's there.

when You are not moving, just stop. don't strive. just lift our hearts and minds to You again. worship You. and there is peace and freedom.

any word we release should be in alignment with Your character. it should bring love, joy, freedom, assurance,encouragement. it may be the right word but the most important thing is that it is released in the right spirit, in a gracious manner, in the way the Father would tell His children.it should reflect His character. in kindness, love, ultimately bringing freedom, not condemnation. and in His holiness, there is joy. in all revival prayers, there should be love and joy. if a word is given, ask, "do You want me to release it? if so, help me to release the right words in the right spirit."

i felt God say, "comfort My people." hope deferred makes the heart sick.

renounced all my bitter roots yesterday after that last minute midnight sermon. a good tree will bear good fruit. bitter roots affect people. i don't want to do that. God will protect me. God does not love me second best. i can be weak and vulnerable with people. if i let the bitter root that says, "i will guard and protect and not open up or be weak.i must always be strong", it also blocks the person. the atmosphere spreads.

mentoring / discipleship is a two-way process. humility.

confess when you fart in a group :)

relationships with guys are important. they express the heart of the Father to us. don't avoid. build good brotherly sisterly relationships.

we prayed for humility weeks ago. who knew people had to be part of the process. healing is that journey too. i am breaking old patterns. every difficult new step brings freedom.

thank you for sharing about moving in the Spirit and how He speaks to us about the songs to sing.

"My heart is gushing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer." ~ Psalm 45:1 ~ that's beautiful. oh God, help me to say what my hand so easily expresses to Your people. use it for Your glory and ministry. remove any blockages in my speech and spirit to minister.

For the Holy Spirit will teach you at that moment what you should say. ~ Luke 12:12 ~

your prayer. "God, help joanne sleep early so she will look pretty".."help her to type fast so she can finish her proposal"...hehehhe...

you know what i feel? i feel Daddy smiling at me. He's happy that we're enjoying each other. having wonderful friendships, and laughing. and that i'm really happy and not sad or monitoring myself or my words but just thinking about all the good things. and thank You for Your good gifts. i also feel like You're happy because i'm happy that i've got this gift that can minister to others. like You give our heart's desire and joy for something that comes from You. You make me happy for the things that make You happy and You're happy about that. haha..that's simply amazing!!

thank You Daddy for Your tremendous grace and love upon my life. i love You.

defend the fatherless!

2010-04-23T00:36:00.000-07:00

Defend the poor and fatherless;
Do justice to the afflicted and needy.
Deliver the poor and needy;
Free them from the hand of the wicked.
~ Psalm 82: 3-4 ~

“Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean;
Put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes.
Cease to do evil,
Learn to do good;
Seek justice,
Rebuke the oppressor;
Defend the fatherless,
Plead for the widow.
~ Isaiah 1:16-17 ~

i felt You say, "Defend the fatherless!" when i was thinking about one young lady with big clear eyes. eyes that showed not the hurt that she felt.and it meant, standing up for her when she had no one to protect her heart.

"Plead for the widow". the widow who was left on her own. the single mother who had no one. for us to show mercy.

dear Lord, i ask for sensitivity when touching the hearts and minds of people. i ask that You will be the Lord over these things. Your thoughts, Your purposes, Your desires to fill my mind when doing so. let not me influence or suggest anything. let not me be leading. You lead and You speak. so dangerous. remind me to be careful.

man, I had none of you before you were made. I didn't like it, so i made you

2010-04-22T08:12:00.000-07:00

More of You, Less of me (?)
kris valloton & bill johnson

God had less of you and He didn't like it, that's why He created you.

it's not a legal prayer for you. because you're not allowed to decrease. John the Baptist was passing the baton to Jesus. i must decrease. it's time for me to fade. who did Jesus pass the baton to? I am the light of the world. you are the light of the world.

we have this idea that our humanity is disgusting to the Lord.

i was praying and worshiping...and i caught this picture...and i actually saw myself place on His head a crown...when you have a thought that is better than what you can think of yourself, you know God's usually involved. so i put this crown on His head. it was a crown of smooth gold. it was just smooth. i put the crown on His head in my worship, and i removed my hands, there were fingerprints all over the crown. and it exactly fit my view of humanity. i felt that God tolerated our humanity, until finally He destroyed the evil, get rid of the stuff, get a fresh start...just kind of this disgust. i saw the fingerprints on the crown and i went "ughh". and i looked at it again, and every fingerprint turned into a gem. and it changed me forever. i saw that my humanity was prized by Him.

now the baton is passed...we pray prayers that we mean good with them. i really do believe the Holy Spirit just helps and re-translates them so that they come across well in heaven. but we pray things like "God, none of me, none of me, God, all of You" and i can just hear the Father saying, "man, I had none of you before you were made. I didn't like it, so I made you. "I think a smarter prayer is, "God is all of me covered by all of You".

He loves and delights in our humanity.

wow. wow. wow. wow! thanks Bex for posting this!

how You see me

2010-04-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

~ Psalm 139 ~

¹ O LORD, You have searched me and You know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;

You perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;

You are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue

You know it completely, O LORD.

⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;

You have laid your hand upon me.

⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Where can I flee from Your Presence?

⁸ If I go up to the heavens, You are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, You are there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰ even there Your hand will guide me,

Your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,"

¹² even the darkness will not be dark to You;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to You.

¹³ For You created my inmost being;

You knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in Your book

before one of them came to be.

¹⁷ How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

¹⁸ Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with You.

¹⁹ If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

²⁰ They speak of You with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse Your name.

²¹ Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD,

and abhor those who rise up against You?

²² I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

my purpose in life is to know You

2010-04-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

i want to know (experience) the power of the cross. i want to proclaim with every fiber of my being, "You have saved me from death! You have saved my life! You are my Savior, my Redeemer!"

this amazing woman who has such intimacy and childlike faith has encouraged my heart so much. Thank you.

"It was just God and I. As usual, we had an interesting conversation.

"So, Father, I have done my job, after 1 year of leading..., have I been good and faithful?"

I felt God was smiling, then He said, "Yes, good and faithful servant."

Then I became very relieved, I thought in my heart, " yea, I have served God."

Then God immediately said," You think you have served me? Hehe, not quite, on the contrary, I was doing you a favour; you didn't help me, but I helped you."

"Huh!??? What did You mean, Father? "

"I put you in this position, a year and a chance to discover ME, to learn to trust in ME, and to know who you really are. In fact, the very essence of being a believer is to know ME."

Immediately I was awestruck, I melted in my heart. What can I say? He must be laughing, like a father laughing at his little child who thinks he is clever by learning 1+1=2 in the kindergarten.

Truly, after 1 year of leading and serving, I got to know Him better, and He reflects who I am, how broken, how ugly, how sinful I am; He crushed my pride, He struck my knees so that I would lower myself, and acknowledge my weakness, so that He may display His lavish grace.

Truly, I did not offer Him any service, but He offered me a chance to know Him and know myself.

With this conviction, all the hard work and sufferings in the past has been wiped off. All I remember now is the joy and the gain. The joy is, I have known Him more; the gain is, I have learned the significance of humility.

Lower me, so that You will be exalted; I decrease so that You may increase."

abide in Me

2010-04-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

"let Me love you, My daughter. let Me heal you. don't strive anymore. just rest. it is not by you trying and repressing with all your might that you are okay. it is by the power of the cross. I will restore you, the person I have created you to be. I will protect and sanctify the process. and then, you can love and heal more hearts even deeper, by My Spirit, because you have received from Me. and I know how much you want to bring healing to hearts. so stop resisting and protesting and thinking it's not necessary. I have put you on My agenda, My plans, My time, to do so in this area of your life. let Me do so. I love you. I want you to know Me even deeper and greater than before, just as you have prayed, surrendered and I heard. it is important to Me that you receive this for the calling I am preparing you for."

"the more you are healed, the more effectively you can minister to others."
~ Eric Chan~

beautiful, beautiful prayer by AW Tozer in 'The Pursuit of God'

Father, I want to know You, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from You the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come.

Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that You may enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shall You make the place of Your feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Yourself will be the light of it, and there shall be no night there.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

imagining is as good as it can be

2010-04-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

unplugging technology was one of the suggestions for workaholics. i have wanted to keep my handphone switched off or throw it out of the window. i guess i can't do that. because my colleagues and the board members were trying to contact me today. thankfully, switched it on at about 11am. i replied, "i'm on leave today. could we meet tmr?" and forgot to apologize.

i'll just imagine it being flung out.

read through my journal after the call and realized most of it were not from You. oh well, it's good to rip out once in a while. so don't feel as much.

God, i'm such a mess. You've got so much to work on. i really am tired. please take over. one by one help me deal with the way i see You, people and myself. it's such a mess. it's Your grace i survived this long. i hope it's not been by my sheer striving.

but hah! how could your creation symbolize something so evil? honestly...i'll never see birds the same way again. thank You for confirming the call and dreams upon my life. God, You hear everything and You answer them, all my heart cries.

the delight of heaven in walking with You. that's what You impressed upon my heart last week and today too.

i get the sense that i can just stop sticking a sword through. not from You.

i want to be free. i want to be that valiant woman whose heart is totally run away with Him. i want to heal. if not, i wouldn't have asked why i couldn't just stick a sword through my heart to deal with these issues once and for all. i'll probably die because it would be too much at one go. God grant me the grace to be humble and not care about how ugly and full of junk i am in this process. it just matters how You see me. need to get it out so You can come and fill those areas too. i'm not ashamed coz it doesn't define me. and the most beautiful thing is a humble, soft heart to You to let You have Your way and glorify Yourself. it's not about me. i have nothing to lose. and the beatitudes say nothing about the perfect. it’s the poor, the meek…

hold me together, spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally for the rest of the week. and help me see myself the way You see me.

we're a mess, yet the LORD redeems & restores

2010-04-19T05:10:00.000-07:00

1 Woe to her who is rebellious and polluted,
To the oppressing city!

2 She has not obeyed His voice,
She has not received correction;
She has not trusted in the LORD,
She has not drawn near to her God.

3 Her princes in her midst are roaring lions;
Her judges are evening wolves
That leave not a bone till morning.

4 Her prophets are insolent, treacherous people;
Her priests have polluted the sanctuary,
They have done violence to the law.

5 The LORD is righteous in her midst,
He will do no unrighteousness.
Every morning He brings His justice to light;
He never fails,
But the unjust knows no shame.

6 "I have cut off nations,
Their fortresses are devastated;
I have made their streets desolate,
With none passing by.
Their cities are destroyed;
There is no one, no inhabitant.

7 I said, 'Surely you will fear Me,
you will receive instruction' -
so that her dwelling would not be cut off,
Despite everything for which I punished her.
But they rose early and corrupted all their deeds.

8 “Therefore wait for Me,” says the LORD,

“Until the day I rise up for plunder;
My determination is to gather the nations
To My assembly of kingdoms,
To pour on them My indignation,
All My fierce anger;
All the earth shall be devoured
With the fire of My jealousy.

9 “For then I will restore to the peoples a pure language,
That they all may call on the name of the LORD,
To serve Him with one accord.
10 From beyond the rivers of Ethiopia
My worshipers,
The daughter of My dispersed ones,
Shall bring My offering.
11 In that day you shall not be shamed for any of your deeds
In which you transgress against Me;
For then I will take away from your midst
Those who rejoice in your pride,
And you shall no longer be haughty
In My holy mountain.
12 I will leave in your midst
A meek and humble people,
And they shall trust in the name of the LORD.
13 The remnant of Israel shall do no unrighteousness
And speak no lies,
Nor shall a deceitful tongue be found in their mouth;
For they shall feed their flocks and lie down,
And no one shall make them afraid.”

14 Sing, O daughter of Zion!
Shout, O Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
O daughter of Jerusalem!
15 The LORD has taken away your judgments,
He has cast out your enemy.
The King of Israel, the LORD, is in your midst;
You shall see disaster no more.
16 In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:

“Do not fear;
Zion, let not your hands be weak.
17 The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

18 “I will gather those who sorrow over the appointed assembly,
Who are among you,
To whom its reproach is a burden.
19 Behold, at that time
I will deal with all who afflict you;
I will save the lame,
And gather those who were driven out;
I will appoint them for praise and fame
In every land where they were put to shame.
20 At that time I will bring you back,
Even at the time I gather you;
For I will give you fame and praise
Among all the peoples of the earth,
When I return your captives before your eyes,”
Says the LORD.

*

you are Mine. and I am yours. I am not finished with you yet so don't give up.

safe in His arms

2010-04-18T20:42:00.000-07:00

~ Psalm 91 ~

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

1 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”

3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
4 He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
8 Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

9 Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
10 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
12 In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver (rescue) him;
I will set (protect) him on high, because he has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”

I did everything. it is finshed

2010-04-18T07:25:00.000-07:00

it is finished. I have redeemed you. so, stop. just stop.

be who I know and see you to be

He gives me the most joy when it hurts the most. am more tickled and laugh a lot too.

there was such a breakthrough in spirit after the first song. trading sickness, sorrow, shame, pain for God's joy. a freedom.

these 2 weeks, whenever we praise, i feel like there is this roar, a magnified chorus of voices with us. like the praise comes from so many more than there is in the place.

there is no spot or blemish in you

i hold your heart in My heart, fractured, broken...just present it to Me

only for God, fear Him, gain Him.

God has been my strength. i have taken hold of His Word throughout the week and am still doing so. and hope, a hope so unfading and tenacious because it is found in God.

it was like God's banner, His megaphone proclaiming He loved me and heard everything on my heart throughout the week, and every word, silence seemed meant for me, even as i had chosen to humble and submit to Him.

just learning to receive. the heart needs to be completely still and silent. quiet before Him. and a lot of times, i just wanted to know know experience Him with my being and i didn't want to sing. just raised my hands and soaked in His presence. i am Yours. You are mine. and my spirit just groaning and crying out deeper than i know or understand for God.

there is so much more to know, there are deeper places He wants to draw me into with Him. how could i have been contented? not enough. not the fullness of Christ. i hunger because there is more to experience. and my soul is thirsty for the Living Waters and the Bread of Life. nothing else can compare. don't don't don't feed it or numb it with other things.

the disciples all messed up but ended well.

if want to thank God, thank God! proclaim Him and make His name glorious. make Him the centre of your testimony!

Jesus trained the called, He didn't call the trained, so don't run from your own calling!

the 2 greatest commandments, love God, love people.

Mercy prayed....i rise up, a mother of many nations, His presence increase in my life, purity and childlikeness. it was really special getting to pray with her about starting the "Father Heart of God" book together. she has such a humble heart. i feel really really blessed.

it was nice talking to Justin today. i think that his family is really beautiful. the closeness between them. the talent that they have. how he and Kiat are interested in volunteer work.

the exchange and banter between Angelina and Alex was hilarious. love listening to the young adults' love stories. they could write a book.

don't hold back smiles. a smile is a gift to another. to a tired heart. to a happy heart. please don't do that.

locking the door back up and throwing the key away. only God knows where it is.

being all that i need to be and pursuing Him with all that i am, finding myself in Him.

i want to pray faith prayers that i believe will come to pass. if less said but each word meant, bagus.

need to increase in my fear of Him. of Him in me, everywhere.

keep a quiet heart. a heart that allows God to be God and trusts in Him.

a quiet heart = humble, trusting, steadfast

2010-04-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

"The elders who are among you I exhort, I who am a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, and also a partaker of the glory that will be revealed: Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly; nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock; and when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that does not fade away.

Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for
“God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen."

~ 1 Peter 5:1-11 ~

"Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our path, is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see."
~ Corrie Ten Boom ~

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
~ C.S. Lewis ~

mould in me a quiet heart. a heart that trusts in You. is steadfast in You, the Rock of ages. a heart that submits because You are above all. a heart that beholds only You in her mind's eye.

upheld

2010-04-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

"He gives power to the weak,

And to those who have no might He increases strength."

~ Isaiah 40:29 ~

Savior I come

Quiet my soul remember

Redemption's hill

Where Your blood was spilled

For my ransom

Everything I once held dear

I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross

Where Your love poured out

Bring me to my knees

Lord I lay me down

Rid me of myself

I belong to You

To your heart

Lead me to your heart

~ Lead Me to the Cross, Brooke Fraser ~
*
realize how hungry my spirit is for the Bread of Life when i'm physically hungry. feeding myself with His Word. there's a heaviness that is surfaced as well. maybe it's from the physical weakness. but after pouring it out before Him, feel light inside.

tips from auntie alice

2010-04-14T02:46:00.000-07:00

organizing activities for little kids...

when you hand out forms to them, provide three times the amount because they WILL lose it.
"jie jie, i lost it."
"jie jie, i gave to my father and he lost it."
"jie jie, i throw away already."
otherwise, threaten them like auntie alice, "you only got one form ah! only one form per person! if you lose it, you cannot go for the outing!"

do not let one kid run around or get noisy because the rest of the kids will follow suit. hold their hands if you know they'll run wild. auntie alice helped me put a tick beside the names of the naughty ones. i knew s and the two little saw brothers were included.

remind them to eat their breakfast before an outing or not during the trip, they will come up to you with puppy dog eyes and say, "jie jie, jie jie! very hungry. can we go eat mcds / long johns silver?" (this has been confirmed by personal experience).

and remind them to bring an umbrella.

this is seriously the funniest thing ever. life is so much more interesting. poor auntie alice who has such a headache now. poor organizers. good training for if i ever start a centre for kids.

Job Burnout

Ask yourself these questions to see if you're experiencing job burnout signs or symptoms:

Do you find yourself being more cynical, critical and sarcastic at work?
Have you lost the ability to experience joy?
Do you drag yourself into work and have trouble getting started once you arrive?
Have you become more irritable and less patient with co-workers, customers or clients?
Do you feel that you face insurmountable barriers at work?
Do you feel that you lack the energy to be consistently productive?
Do you no longer feel satisfaction from your achievements?
Do you have a hard time laughing at yourself?
Are you tired of your co-workers asking if you're OK?
Do you feel disillusioned about your job?
Are you self-medicating — using food, drugs or alcohol — to feel better or to simply not feel?
Have your sleep habits or appetite changed?
Are you troubled by unexplained headaches, neck pain or lower back pain?

Job burnout can result from:

Lack of control. Perhaps you're unable to influence decisions that affect your job, such as which hours you'll work or which assignments you get. Perhaps you're unable to control the amount of work that comes in.
Unclear job expectations. Examples include uncertainty over what degree of authority you have and not having the necessary resources to do your work.
Dysfunctional workplace dynamics. Examples are working with an office bully, being undermined by colleagues or having a boss who micromanages your work.
Mismatch in values. If your values differ from the way your company does business or handles employee grievances, it will wear on you.
Poor job fit. Working in a job that doesn't fit your interests and skills is certain to become more and more stressful over time.
Extremes of activity. When a job is always monotonous or chaotic, you need constant energy to remain focused, leading to energy drain and job burnout.

If you feel you may have job burnout symptoms, don't ignore them. Job burnout can have significant consequences including:

Excessive stress
Fatigue
Insomnia
Unhealthy weight changes
Depression
Anxiety
Alcohol or substance abuse
A negative spillover into your relationships or home life

{MayoClinic}

a journey

2010-04-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

physically weak but spiritually attuned. heavy burdens being undone (Isaiah 58:6).

flesh denied. keep reminding myself of Matt 4:4 "man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God." when i so badly want to eat.

it's such a good thing. my spirit is being filled although body deprived.

many things He is speaking to me about. will share more.

i am not going to complain. it just brings the spirit down. i am made of courage and pluck and the power of Christ in me. Lord, help me know i can do it all with You.

i am not going to tweet though i so badly want to join the twitterland with rach, bex, david, and sarah. Lord, help me.

i am not going to talk about issues that are not important in my walk with Christ or stick my nose into other people's business because it hurts them. am only going to speak what is needed. Lord, help me watch my speech and thoughts.

i am going to remain cheerful and kind and courteous even when things are going haywire at work or anywhere else, and not wear my heart on my sleeve. Lord, i rest myself in You. You are my Rock.

i am going to fill my mind with the word of the Lord and His presence. Lord, help me seek You even more. that's why i am fasting. will satisfy my hunger with You, not other things. increase in me as i decrease.

love Him

2010-04-13T21:26:00.000-07:00

"When a human being is mistreated, objectified, or neglected, when they are treated as less than human, these actions are actions against God. Because how you treat the creation reflects how you feel about the Creator.

To be a Christian is to work for the new humanity. Jesus commands his followers to feed and clothe and visit and take care of those who need it. They’re fellow image-bearers, they’re just like us, and when we love them, we’re loving God.

A church exists to be a display of the new humanity. A community of people who honor and respect the poor and rich and educated and uneducated and Jew and Gentile and black and white and old and young and powerful and helpless as fully human, created in the image of God."

~ Sex God, Rob Bell ~

beautiful soul

2010-04-12T23:56:00.000-07:00

i told auntie alice i might be leaving in august. might. and her eyes softened and looked glassy. and i wanted to tear as well.

i really treasure her warm smile and affectionate touch.

and she said she was always happy whenever i came.

i told her her lovely smile always makes me feel happy. she just beams. and it radiates from her patient motherly heart.

she has seen the kids grow up. she has been a mother to them, disciplining them over the years.

be Thou my vision

2010-04-12T23:34:00.000-07:00

i don't have much.

this is all i have.

maybe i am too foolish. maybe i am too childish. maybe there is no breadth or depth or width.

but if it is, then be all i see.

reclaiming the pieces

2010-04-12T06:23:00.000-07:00

face to the ground, the safest place to be is kneeling at Your feet.

have been so self-centered. and i repent of my attitude as well. be professional. not let go or be too comfortable with others at work or anywhere else. in words, countenance. there is a need for propriety especially for the former. not about the issue of realness but love for the other person. about consideration, sometimes needing to be apologetic, but showing a kindness and respect for the other person. because what i say affects others all the time. no need to discuss other's business unless for genuine concern and intercession. i need to be vigilantly checking myself as i used to before i speak. or not don't speak. be silent.

this fast involves the discipline of my tongue, learning to hold it and speak/pray His Word. and to rid the fleshly attitude of whining, sulking, complaining. mouth is the fountain of life. spring forth pure water. and a need to sanctify and bring order to how i care for my physical body - rest. and for the church. for the beautiful people there; labor pains pregnant with dreams and visions. for corporate lifeline, to hear the Lord clearly. to seek Him for confirmation. to break bondages, fears. tear down walls, for the glory of the Lord to rest and shine through me.

5 Is it a fast that I have chosen,
A day for a man to afflict his soul?
Is it to bow down his head like a bulrush,
And to spread out sackcloth and ashes?
Would you call this a fast,
And an acceptable day to the LORD?

6 “ Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?

8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily, (i want to be healed physically and emotionally)
And your righteousness shall go before you (i want to be sanctified and purified through this);
The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard (being what i was made to do - glorify Him).
9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ (He is near)

“ If you take away the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
10 If you extend your soul to the hungry
And satisfy the afflicted soul,
Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,
And your darkness shall be as the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.

~ Isaiah 58: 5-11 ~

and cultivating a gentle spirit, patient, longsuffering, uncomplaining, steady and at peace in the Rock. as His daughter. as a servant of the Lord.

praying so desperately for You to break my heart for what's on Yours and break self, pride, know my wretchedness. awful place to be at. but a place where You can work in me and be glorified.

in the Potter's hands

2010-04-11T23:53:00.000-07:00

"So I'm taking pottery classes now. Always curious to know why God has been allegorized as the potter, and us as the clay. And now I know that though the potter's fingers must be gentle enough not to warp the vessel out of shape, they must be steady and strong enough to not be moved by the rotating clay. And the clay is stubborn and impossible to move off its spot by brute force; but if the potter's hands remain in the right position steadily, the clay will slowly be centered."
~ Julienne Tan ~

fast on words

2010-04-11T20:18:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 15:4
A wholesome tongue is a tree of life,
But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

vs. 32
He who disdains instruction despises his own soul,
But he who heeds rebuke gets understanding.

vs. 33
The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom,
And before honor is humility.

teach me to speak only the words that You have poured into my mouth. better to be a person of few words than many. quiet my heart and mind. fill it with Your Word, feed me with the Bread of Life, revive my soul. man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God (Matthew 4:4).

I'm ready to be running away
To the heavens open wide
To the secret place you hide
To the stars you call by name
To be near your endless grace
~ Running away, Jared Anderson ~

moved

2010-04-11T09:27:00.000-07:00

heart moments...
smile You put on my face when i couldn't in my heart. freedom.

weakness all over, yet having the strength to teach her and walk her to and fro from the mrt

the keys in the dream. the call to rest.

worshipping in the spirit

you listening to me as i shared the burden God had placed in my heart for His people and actually taking it down in your phone

sitting legs outstretched in the room with the hamsters, the cool breeze from outside, sharing things on our hearts or being silent. and quietly reading the books in the library. i lay down, listening to the shallow breathing and sinking into the tiredness.

your warm infectious laughter

you shyly coming over to talk to her

your 'thank you' when we helped to clean up

you going crazy and trying to convince us about adam lambert

you looking lovely in your pink scarf

that's all. that's all. and declaring Your power in overcoming.

His kingdom

2010-04-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

breathing shallow

light chest

a lump to check on

laughing till the tears come

just one in the sea

simple faith

crazy perspectives

God putting His heart in ours and then we pray for all this and He is working, He is working and it is exciting. and the broken walls and gates. broken down for Him to come and build new walls. and that was what i felt God speak today as i was at the keyboard praying about church. about lifeline. brokenness. and now another word, rebuilding. the hearts of the people. the visions birthed in them. the amazing amazing gifts. David is one of them. he prophesied over Bex! and the ministries birthed now. weren't we talking about all these other gifts, Bex?

thank You for Your presence and word today, Lord. thank You for always prompting my heart to pray certain things over people when i ask You. You keep telling me not to hold back and just speak it. no mistake in You. You're training me up in this. to declare. thank You for Your life through us. Your power, Your grace, Your wisdom, Your love, Your tremendous mercy over my life. because i deserve none of this.

come, My beloved

2010-04-08T19:44:00.000-07:00

dear Daddy,
thank You for the grace shown today.

You call me Your bride.

i want to take hold of You. consume me in Your embrace every moment of my life. my heart and flesh cry out for the living God. You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

dependent on You

2010-04-08T04:22:00.000-07:00

it's the journey.

it isn't about what happens anymore.

want to love and worship You more and more.

all for the LORD

2010-04-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies (compassion), kindness, humility, meekness (gentleness), longsuffering (patience); bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint (grievances) against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality."

~ Colossians 3:12-25 ~

i don't want to be here. i want to be where Your heart is breaking my heart. yet i know, all this is training. relevant or not. it is all a season. and there are lives entrusted for this short time. i can't say this is not where You are. but i am so frustrated and i want to go out there already. but i know You want to mould me even more. and i need to learn to be faithful in these things. i take joy because You are here. Your presence is everything and i don't want to miss the present moment with You, doing what You are doing and want me to join in. Your kairos moment.

heart people

2010-04-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

everything has been so surreal after i submitted my grad school applications. like one load that was on my mind for a year just lifted and i can't imagine not having it.

tears...hearing your beautiful story of how God brought you together. always within his arms of grace. no need to be at some standard.

thinking of you when i wrote your letter

delight....receiving the jamie oliver cookbook and getting orders for a romantic meal. jewel coming up to us with some gorgeous exquisite popcakes, "i know both of you are crazy about the popcakes."

the lack of sleep. laughter over everything. extremely fast talk.

seeing you again lovely rong.

fang fang helping us out at the event and not allowing me to carry the heavy box back to the office in the rain.

watching "the clash of the titans" with the young adults. felt like a kid when we said we needed to go pee. so they gave us out tickets first. and we sat there, squirming in our seats during the first scene when the krakens (some hideous, winged black creatures flew in) the people onscreen were bigger than us. and laughing everytime the djinn opened his mouth. he was just so grumpy looking and no one understood what he was saying most of the time. swooning over how the head of the army was the only real man there. going, "awww" everytime pegasus came in. "he's so cute! the way he prances." isaac, "cute?! pegasus is supposed to be majestic!" having supper at a prata stall. listening to cass' and malcolm's love story, how daniel and mercy got engaged, learning so much from them. just real conversations. real stories. real people. and seeing the hand of God in everything.

bex...your delight in wanting to bake something. shopping for his present. looking at something our fathers would possibly wear and commenthing on it being too loose. your sarcastic, dry humor. "why are men so slow?! i hope he isn't praying about it!" fell over laughing when you said, "let's sit down" in the middle of the adidas section. felt like an old couple. buying his present and thinking of how our own standard of coolness may not be this young man's. just like when our parents buy us clothes; felt like a mother. the gift was in the searching for his present. wanted to video tape it...thank you for being someone to talk to about the burden for Your people

running..running again and closing up. the ache that You see.

rachel...leaning on your back during lunch at kichn today. i'll miss you so much...your tweet made me cry. bringing me to haji lane. being happy when i wanted to buy some clothes. being fashion analyzed by grace. finding out my body shape has changed!

standing in front of the clothes rack and realizing i haven't been doing something where i get to choose because i like it, for months already.

standing in front of the mirror and God telling me i look beautiful. dress in His pleasure and joy.

in His love. in His tender love. a Father's love. a love that never lets go and grieves. it broke my heart to hurt Him.

Daddy. i love You. i need You more than anything in this world. draw me into Your arms. i want to stay there and rest like a child. secure in You through everything. my relationship with You is alive and growing. and real.

Your love

2010-04-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

I can’t explain
This kind of love
I’m humbled and amazed
That You’d come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face

Here I am at Your feet
In my brokeness complete

~ Starfield, Unashamed ~

drowning in Your love

2010-04-04T11:51:00.000-07:00

reading out loud on Your resurrection this morning. as i spoke, i felt You. as i spoke Your words, i felt Your heart. we know each other. not enough. still so much more. but my heart thrilled because we know each other.

walked to church, talking to You, without trying to be anything more.

i prayed i would understand and know the meaning of Your resurrection. the cross.

i threw everything aside. i just want to be free. and i there was such freedom in my spirit today. and the outpouring of Your amazing amazing love touching every part of my soul and spirit. Lord, Father, breathes *wow* You just came and rested upon my heart. and i couldn't help but put my hand to my heart and just be, in that very moment. wow. and i was in loving awe, the King of all loves me! He hears me. He embraces me.

sweet. sweet as honey. and drowning, drowning in Your love, free as a bird.

strength to joy

2010-04-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

i want to take joy in everything i do. in the most tedious and tiring of tasks. even with a headache.

not about showing happiness or wearing masks. but just seeing joy in all things. that quiet peaceful gladness or lightness of heart knowing i'm doing it for God and He joys in that too.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
~ Hebrews 12:1-2 ~

walk humbly

2010-03-31T22:03:00.000-07:00

walk in humility, purity, integrity

take responsibility for what's going on, don't blame busy situations

patience is not complaining.

seek the pleasure of God

give me a deeper revelation of what You have done on the cross, who You are and Your love. You are so good, gracious and merciful. don't deserve it all. Your deep deep love. cost everything.

interceding the heart of the Father

2010-03-31T09:40:00.000-07:00

"If we are not heedful of the way the Spirit of God works in us, we will become spiritual hypocrites. We see where other folks are failing, and we turn our discernment into the gibe of criticism instead of into intercession on their behalf. The revelation is made to us not through the acuteness of our minds, but by the direct penetration of the Spirit of God, and if we are not heedful of the source of the revelation, we will become criticizing centres and forget that God says - ". . . he shall ask, and He shall give him life for them that sin not unto death." Take care lest you play the hypocrite by spending all your time trying to get others right before you worship God yourself.

One of the subtlest burdens God ever puts on us as saints is this burden of discernment concerning other souls. He reveals things in order that we may take the burden of these souls before Him and form the mind of Christ about them, and as we intercede on His line, God says He will give us "life for them that sin not unto death." It is not that we bring God into touch with our minds, but that we rouse ourselves until God is able to convey His mind to us about the one for whom we intercede.

Is Jesus Christ seeing of the travail of His soul in us? He cannot unless we are so identified with Himself that we are roused up to get His view about the people for whom we pray."

~ Oswald Chambers ~

joanne wong, your pride makes you very ugly. humble yourself before the Lord and before people. and allow the humbling process. submit to it. be as a little child.

my breath of life

2010-03-30T19:22:00.000-07:00

~ Psalm 42 ~
1 As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So pants my soul for You, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
3 My tears have been my food day and night,
While they continually say to me,
“Where is your God?”

4 When I remember these things,
I pour out my soul within me.
For I used to go with the multitude;
I went with them to the house of God,
With the voice of joy and praise,
With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
For the help of His countenance.

6 O my God my soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan,
And from the heights of Hermon,
From the Hill Mizar.
7 Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
8 The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime,
And in the night His song shall be with me—
A prayer to the God of my life.

9 I will say to God my Rock,
“Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
10 As with a breaking of my bones,
My enemies reproach me,
While they say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

11 Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.

i need You, LORD. i need You. You only. please come and fill the aching parts of my heart that i can't seem to reason away or subdue. i need You. i am so sorry.

the best part of the evening was when You came

2010-03-30T09:24:00.000-07:00

You came and Your presence rested upon my heart. just put my hand to my heart and bowed my head because i couldn't sing or speak.

when you got worried for me because i had to go back alone, dear sweet girl.

when after the practice you sighed and said, "joanne!" and i knew you wanted to share something deep in your heart.

humbling. but being humbled is always always a good thing. and i'll take it. i want to. it'll do my 'self' a whole lot of good to be quenched and put down.

i felt bad that i made that mistake at work. and someone else had to come in even though i apologized. i just knew that i'll learn from this and God is sovereign.

i just want to look upon Your face, that's all. take it away. am really tired. just take it away. i don't care for it anymore.

just breathe, jo. just breathe.

my greatest privilege is to know You

2010-03-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

My lovely daughter,
don't worry. don't worry. I am God. I am the LORD who made heaven and earth. I will make My plans come to pass. this is not your burden. and all that I do is so that My sons and daughters, the whole of creation will know that I am the LORD, that you may know know and believe Me, and understand that I AM HE (Isaiah 43:10).

and my spirit is stirred. breathes wow...

just walk with Me, beloved. just hold My hand and look upon Me with dove's eyes.

I love you. I love you more than you can imagine. dear woman of Mine.

i love You, Abba Father.

i love Him. i love Him. because He has first loved me.

rise up towards the call He has called you.

the Lord be glorified.

i pray that He will draw each of us close to Him. till everything that we are breathes for the LORD. depends on Him. that the chief glory of our life will be to glorify Him and love Him and worship Him. that He will cast out all fear in His perfect love. that He will make manifest His very Being in our lives. all His children. all His children because all creation eagerly awaits for the revealing of the sons of man! let this generation be a generation that knows the LORD our God in His very fullness!

His kingdom come, His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven!

God my Redeemer

2010-03-28T20:03:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 42
The Servant of the LORD

1 “Behold! My Servant whom I uphold,
My Elect One in whom My soul delights!
I have put My Spirit upon Him;
He will bring forth justice to the Gentiles.

2 He will not cry out, nor raise His voice,
Nor cause His voice to be heard in the street.

3 A bruised reed He will not break,
And smoking flax He will not quench;
He will bring forth justice for truth.

4 He will not fail nor be discouraged,
Till He has established justice in the earth;
And the coastlands shall wait for His law.”

5 Thus says God the LORD,
Who created the heavens and stretched them out,
Who spread forth the earth and that which comes from it,
Who gives breath to the people on it,
And spirit to those who walk on it:

6 “I, the LORD, have called You in righteousness,
And will hold Your hand;
I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people,
As a light to the Gentiles,

7 To open blind eyes,
To bring out prisoners from the prison,
Those who sit in darkness from the prison house.

8 I am the LORD, that is My name;
And My glory I will not give to another,
Nor My praise to carved images.

9 Behold, the former things have come to pass,
And new things I declare;
Before they spring forth I tell you of them.”
Praise to the LORD

10 Sing to the LORD a new song,
And His praise from the ends of the earth,
You who go down to the sea, and all that is in it,
You coastlands and you inhabitants of them!

11 Let the wilderness and its cities lift up their voice,
The villages that Kedar inhabits.
Let the inhabitants of Sela sing,
Let them shout from the top of the mountains.

12 Let them give glory to the LORD,
And declare His praise in the coastlands.

13 The LORD shall go forth like a mighty man;
He shall stir up His zeal like a man of war.
He shall cry out, yes, shout aloud;
He shall prevail against His enemies.

Promise of the LORD’s Help

14 “ I have held My peace a long time,
I have been still and restrained Myself.
Now I will cry like a woman in labor,
I will pant and gasp at once.

15 I will lay waste the mountains and hills,
And dry up all their vegetation;
I will make the rivers coastlands,
And I will dry up the pools.

16 I will bring the blind by a way they did not know;
I will lead them in paths they have not known.
I will make darkness light before them,
And crooked places straight.
These things I will do for them,
And not forsake them.

17 They shall be turned back,
They shall be greatly ashamed,
Who trust in carved images,
Who say to the molded images,
‘You are our gods.’

18 “Hear, you deaf;
And look, you blind, that you may see.

19 Who is blind but My servant,
Or deaf as My messenger whom I send?
Who is blind as he who is perfect,
And blind as the LORD’s servant?

20 Seeing many things, but you do not observe;
Opening the ears, but he does not hear.”

Israel’s Obstinate Disobedience

21 The LORD is well pleased for His righteousness’ sake;
He will exalt the law and make it honorable.

22 But this is a people robbed and plundered;
All of them are snared in holes,
And they are hidden in prison houses;
They are for prey, and no one delivers;
For plunder, and no one says, “Restore!”

23 Who among you will give ear to this?
Who will listen and hear for the time to come?

24 Who gave Jacob for plunder, and Israel to the robbers?
Was it not the LORD,
He against whom we have sinned?
For they would not walk in His ways,
Nor were they obedient to His law.

25 Therefore He has poured on him the fury of His anger
And the strength of battle;
It has set him on fire all around,
Yet he did not know;
And it burned him,
Yet he did not take it to heart.

Isaiah 43
The Redeemer of Israel

1 But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.

2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.

3 For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I gave Egypt for your ransom,
Ethiopia and Seba in your place.

4 Since you were precious in My sight,
You have been honored,
And I have loved you;
Therefore I will give men for you,
And people for your life.

5 Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your descendants from the east,
And gather you from the west;

6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
And to the south, ‘Do not keep them back!’
Bring My sons from afar,
And My daughters from the ends of the earth—

7 Everyone who is called by My name,
Whom I have created for My glory;
I have formed him, yes, I have made him.”

8 Bring out the blind people who have eyes,
And the deaf who have ears.

9 Let all the nations be gathered together,
And let the people be assembled.
Who among them can declare this,
And show us former things?
Let them bring out their witnesses, that they may be justified;
Or let them hear and say, “It is truth.”

10 “You are My witnesses,” says the LORD,
“And My servant whom I have chosen,
That you may know and believe Me,
And understand that I am He.
Before Me there was no God formed,
Nor shall there be after Me.

11 I, even I, am the LORD,
And besides Me there is no savior.
12 I have declared and saved,
I have proclaimed,
And there was no foreign god among you;
Therefore you are My witnesses,”
Says the LORD, “that I am God.

13 Indeed before the day was, I am He;
And there is no one who can deliver out of My hand;
I work, and who will reverse it?”

14 Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer,
The Holy One of Israel:
“For your sake I will send to Babylon,
And bring them all down as fugitives—
The Chaldeans, who rejoice in their ships.

15 I am the LORD, your Holy One,
The Creator of Israel, your King.”

16 Thus says the LORD, who makes a way in the sea
And a path through the mighty waters,

17 Who brings forth the chariot and horse,
The army and the power
(They shall lie down together, they shall not rise;
They are extinguished, they are quenched like a wick):

18 “ Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.

19 Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.
20 The beast of the field will honor Me,
The jackals and the ostriches,
Because I give waters in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert,
To give drink to My people, My chosen.
21 This people I have formed for Myself;
They shall declare My praise.

Pleading with Unfaithful Israel

22 “But you have not called upon Me, O Jacob;
And you have been weary of Me, O Israel.
23 You have not brought Me the sheep for your burnt offerings,
Nor have you honored Me with your sacrifices.
I have not caused you to serve with grain offerings,
Nor wearied you with incense.
24 You have bought Me no sweet cane with money,
Nor have you satisfied Me with the fat of your sacrifices;
But you have burdened Me with your sins,
You have wearied Me with your iniquities.

25 “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake;
And I will not remember your sins.
26 Put Me in remembrance;
Let us contend together;
State your case, that you may be acquitted.
27 Your first father sinned,
And your mediators have transgressed against Me.
28 Therefore I will profane the princes of the sanctuary;
I will give Jacob to the curse,
And Israel to reproaches."

Your Words breathe life into my spirit and soul.

in this season, You are revealing Yourself as my Redeemer. sovereign.

what You have done of the cross that we may be redeemed.

tremendous grace.

only You can glorify Yourself in our fallenness.

i lift You up! You are the LORD!